I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
