when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
