Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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