did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
