btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
