I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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