She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
