i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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