you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize