I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just google imaged poop.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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