Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
