She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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