i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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