He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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