We're facebook friends in real life
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
