i will never coherently bang her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
