so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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