evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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