i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
