The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
