y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
