Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
