sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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