i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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