I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
