He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
