you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
