bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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