OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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