dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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