some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
