trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
