ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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