to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
