'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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