brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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