the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
