Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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