like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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