she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
