I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
