I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
