I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
