I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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