in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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