You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
