the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
