If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
