someone owes me an orgasm
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
