even my farts smell like vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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