I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
