Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
