we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
