This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
