dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
