I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
