Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
