So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize