I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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