and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
