census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
