I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
