ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
