Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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