Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just high enough for therapy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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