i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
