Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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