You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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