I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
