Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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