And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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