Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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