so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
