phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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