i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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