The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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