I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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