"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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