epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
