Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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