I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
