My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
