you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
