its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
